Dancing in The Rain

‘Its not about conquering the storm but how to dance in the rain’

I think I’m at the period when I have to think wiser and struggle harder. Indeed life has been hard and frustrating lately but I’m glad that we have managed it together. I used to believe that I need to win every battle but sometime its not always about winning, but sometimes about compromizing or even when the worst time came – just to survive till the next day.

when my father passed away several years ago, I thought that was the hardest time that I will ever have. I thought that is the most painful fear and stress that I will ever have but turns out life gave me more than than.

There were time that we almost give up, there were bunch of time where I cried my eyes out and there were time when I saw him stressed out and almost loose hope. But he always said to me ‘don’t give up, we still have a very long journey honey. we can make it together. you and I, us’ So I stood up once again and rally.

He said ‘someday we’re going to remember this day, someday when we’re old and grey we’re going to remember these stormy rain and felt blessed that we could make it. so don’t give up now’. I knew he was right – but I knew that he was affraid and almost loose hope too.

and I glad that we did make it through. I’m happy that we’re learning to dance in the rain. sometimes its not about winning, but how to dance in the rain.

Menjadi Perempuan Tangguh Abad 21

Susahnya jadi perempuan zaman sekarang! Maafkan jika saya harus memulai postingan kali ini dengan sedikit mengeluh. Tetapi memang betul kok, susah jadi perempuan di zaman yang penuh tuntutan macam sekarang ini.

Lulus dengan gilang gumilang dari top five prominent universities lalu bekerja di perusahaan terkemuka di Indonesia tidak menjamin lolos dari cibiran maut. Bahkan dalam lingkungan terdekat keluarga pun juga, cih! They don’t care how much money you’ve earn or successful carrier you’ve reached. No they don’t care how many countries you’ve visited or how many language you’ve able to speak. No baby, it won’t count as long as you can’t cook and perform as a good wife. Bah!

Dimulai dari tuntutan pekerjaan yang menggila dan tuntutan masyarakat yang terkadang mulai tidak bisa dinalar lagi. Langsung punya anak setelah menikah dituduh hamil duluan, engga punya anak juga digunjikan. Oh my my my!

Lalu bagaimana? Haruskah menangis lalu menyerah begitu saja? Hell no! Jadi perempuan zaman sekarang harus tangguh dengan mental dan hati sekeras baja! Don’t let them beat you down. No, don’t give them that chance.

Tegakkan kepala dan biarkan saja. Let your success talk. Note ini sekaligus menjadi refleksi untuk saya, yang sejenak merasa teraniaya. Tetapi demi Nona Cantik yang saat ini masih berada di dalam perut, saya harus bisa menjadi contoh yang baik. Menjadi perempuan tangguh, agar anak saya pun tangguh. Wish us luck!

The First Note

Dear Munchkin,

It’s now November 23, 2014 and you’re just almost three months old in my tummy. Currently on this exact date and time, I was alone in my dorm. Your father is still on his duty, as foreman in one of the most respected oil company. He got one month on duty, and one month holiday. But in this cold November, your father is still away.

Today was our four months anniversary. Yes my dear, your father and I married on August 23, 2014 – the same exact date with your grannie and nennie. When we’re organizing our wedding, your father and I agreed that we want a baby right away. We’ve been dating for eight years, and marriage is another amazing adventure that we’ll do together. So, your father has secured a beautiful house in Yogyakarta so that we’ve could move in together after we got married and start our little family.

Things got slightly complicated when my application to one of the most respected coal mining company got accepted. We never plan to move to Jakarta, but for the good cause – so called a better future, we’ve to Jakarta. So here we are kids, owning a small pavilioun that cost a fortune in the heart of Jakarta.

We’ve cancelled our beautiful little home in Yogyakarta, pack our thingies and start a life in Jakarta. But to life in Jakarta isn’t as simple and humble as in Yogyakarta. Everything come in fierce and struggle. I just started my career in a competely different path than my old career. You see, moving from tourism industry (fun, dynamic, colorful) into coal mining industry (cold, fierce, and serious) is really different. I even got full migraine on my first two weeks. But Munchkin, quit is never in my mind.

So I did anything that I could do to make it better. To struggle and prove that they’ve choose the right person for this job. It ain’t easy, as I have to learn something new everyday, pushed me from my comfort zone. At first I was afraid that I might hurt you in someway as I was really busy. I got no time to take a rest, hell my days was full of running rampant. The worse maybe what they called morning sickness, but to me it was felt like everytime sickness because I tend to puke anytime. I have no apetite to eat, and it seems that all the energies flies to the moon – left me uncharged and weak.

With your father away on his duty, doesn’t made my life easier. I have to struggle alone by myself in this fierce city. But Munchkin, you should remember this – we gotta be tough. Life is no easy. I used to do everything by myself since the day your grand daddy past away. So I hope, you’ll be a stronger person, tough and fierce.

We watch tremendous growth of you, and I feel that you’re growing inside of me. I can feel those tiny but strong heartbeat in my tummy. And those tiny heartbeat has strengthen me.

And your father – though he’s not a romantic type person (seriously, I’ve dated that man for 8 years, and he never did anything romantic during that 8 years) – but you managed to turn him into a romantic father. He said that he miss you much through various phone calls. Always check me whether I’ve taken any vitamin or food for you. And he got really furious when I didn’t eat. Last night he mentioned during our phone call that he wants to see you soon as possible as he misses you so much. Your old man is a very cold man darling, but you’ve turn him into a romantic man. And I love it.

On our early wedding, your father and I still struggle to make a better future for you, my dear Munckin. We love you so much and we couldn’t wait to see you. Doctor said that your due date is on June 2015. We’re sure that its gonna be an awesome year, as I believe that 2014 was also amazing as it’s the year that I got married to your old man, and got you.

These are one of the first note that I’m writing to you, to show you how much we love you. As days goes by, and your getting older – these are remininse of our love to you my dear Munckin. May you always be happy, stronger, and briliant.

November 23, 2014

Love Mommy

Over the Promenade

Hi! It’s me again! Today I wrote this post in my new place in Jakarta, yes I have moved in to Jakarta. This is me and my whole new life. I’m just recently got married and got a new job – the dynamic changes that astonished me, even now I still feel like living in a dream. Is this really happening?

I found the man that I’m in love for almost 8 years slept next to me in the morning, I rolled my eyes and tried to wake up – I’m not dreaming! He was there sleeping sound with a smile on his face. I rolled over; I was on his comfy and warm arms, kissed his cheeks and lips: tender and real. Um, wait, why do I have to write these disturbing details? Well, my husband is now on site already, he is now working for another 4 weeks – hence the weird details. Hahahah!

It didn’t affect me so much when we were still dating, but now I cried my eyes out when he was away for work. I cried at day one, and felt so lonely. Maybe because I was new at this city, I barely know anyone and my husband is my only one who I can talk to. And now when he is away – I felt so lonely. Did I mention too much lonely word? Yes, indeed I am lonely.

But still I am blessed with everything that I got now. I got loving man, a family man and a steady job. I can’t ask for more. After long struggle to get this job, I finally got that phone call that I always dreamt for. It was on a beautiful Friday, I got that offering call and I was so head over heels. Finally, all my efforts paid off! FYI, I was trying to get this job from the beginning of this year. It’s indeed a prestigious company with super cool position and I can’t believe that I got this.

The saddest part was saying goodbye to my beloved friends and Jogjakarta. They are my family in Jogjakarta, more than friends, and really best friends in happiness and sadness. But I have to move forward and here I am. Tomorrow will be awesome, but I know that I have to struggle more in this city. Wish me luck!

Super Bomb August

Hi! It’s been a decade since my last post here. I was just too swamped and too lazy to update this blog. I got too many things to handle – not enough time and full of tension. Call me crazy, but I think I turned into one of the bridezilla! It is indeed pre wedding is one of the crucial period, it got full of tension and super long list of wedding check list. Not to mention my hundreds of workloads and pre wedding wars. And my fiancée is still away as he is still on duty. Oh just shoot me already!

August is such a special month for me. There LOTS going on in August, let me tell you why:

  • August 23, 1987. My Mom and Daddy happily married on this date. She said that it was one of the best moments of her life. I agree. During their marriage, My Mom and Daddy are so happy. I never saw them fighting, such a perfect role model for me. Yes, we have lots of problem – but I know my parents handled their conflict so perfectly. How knew that 27 years later I am going to get married on this date too? I know that I wrote “August 21, 2014” as my wedding date on the previous post, but suddenly my family decided to change it to August 23, 2014 and I couldn’t be more happier as it was the date of My Mom and Dad marriage, and it is also on the weekend so my best friends will be able to attend it. I hope my marriage will be as happy as my Mom and Daddy.
  • August 5, 2009. My Daddy passed away due to sudden heart attack. That was the worst day in my life. The most painful too, it was too painful I cried my eyes out. During his funeral, I can’t even cry. Ever since that, I never cried in any funeral, not even when my Grand Ma passed away on August 9, 2012.
  • August 5, 2012. Our beloved Grand Ma passed away. She passed away with a smile on her pretty face in her sleep. She was another role model for me too. A tough and loving wife, mom and Grand Ma.

This August is super amazing for me. I cried my eyes out on several night, got panic attack and severe anxiety, and laugh out loud too. I think August this year will be a turning point for me as I will – obviously – enter the new phase of my life as a wife of my lovely husband, but also a new career too. Finally, after long of struggle a glimpse of happiness came to me. I’ll tell you later when it’s official as I don’t wanna jinx it. Cheers!

True Love

 

There are many times I’d like to post something in this blog, I know its been such a long time since the last time I write to this blog. I used to have that passion – to write everything and became the travel writer. Luckily my job enables me to travel around the world, but unfortunately I got too swamped and left me with no energies and ideas to write.

Last year I managed to go to Amsterdam and Paris, and several ultra dazzling destinations in Indonesia. I always dream about to go to Netherlands, and to feel the vibrant city of Amsterdam. Well, I got that precious chance last year. My office gave me assignment to audit our office in Amsterdam. Actually, I had to go to Amsterdam with one of the auditor staff – but turned out at last minutes (it was really last minutes, I was about to board the plane to Jakarta) the auditor told me that he’s unable to go to Amsterdam. So there, I flew by myself to Amsterdam.

The journey went amazing! The first time I landed on Amsterdam – I couldn’t believe myself!. Are these beautiful – enchanting – amazing scenery before my eyes just decoys? I shook my head and convinced that I’m really on this beautiful country. Finally I made this far! The longest flight, the toughest efforts, and I did that my myself! I managed to nail every checklist and managed to explore the vibrant city of Amsterdam by myself.

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And Paris was another magnificent story.  That moment when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time I felt in love. I always like city landmarks like Tokyo Tower, and Monumen Nasional in Jakarta but this Eiffel Tower is just magnificent standing beautifully. Although I didn’t get much time to strolling around the Eiffel – I managed to go to Versailles. When my plane took off from Charles de Gaulle Airport, I promised myself that someday I have to come back to this dazzling blinding city but for leisure.

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Another important announcement to make is finally I’m getting married! As I have predicted previously, there are no romantic cliche candle light dinner flowers, no no no no. BK only said “Lets get married!” – as simple as that and I couldn’t believed I was so heed over heels. He’s no romantic boyfriend material, but he always there for me for the last 7 years. We’ve been together through thunder storms, hurricane, shimmering rainbow and we managed it together.

We’re planning to get married on August 21, 2014 – its still three months to go, and to hear “Now I pronounce you as Man and Wife”. Bismillah. I hope we’ll make it through. Cheers!

Hello Rainy Season!

Ah now its official rainy season in Jogjakarta, and I really love it because the weather gets cold and its really comfortable wearing pajamas while sipping hot chocolate. Those are the me-time routine and I’m doing it quite often lately as I think I owe myself bunch of quality me-time for myself for working so hard lately. The downside of rainy season is the cold and melancholic side of it. With long distance relationship and sad songs, I’m getting melancholic now. Ah, how I miss those strong arm to hold and the warm hands. I really wish to get another job in Jakarta that enable me to see my fiancee soon to be husband. I know its sound silly to gamble my career just to see my fiancee everyday, but honestly I’m getting tired of being a single fighter.

The needing of life companion is getting stronger for me lately. I never thought that I’m going through this pace already, but now I hate to come home and find nobody but me in my empty room. Sound so melancholic? Yes, indeed I am. I hate to do everything just by myself: eating, watching movies, sleeping and waking up alone. I think I had enough and can’t wait for another pace of my life. Hopefully it will be soon enough. Wish me luck! Cheerio!