Dancing in The Rain

‘Its not about conquering the storm but how to dance in the rain’

I think I’m at the period when I have to think wiser and struggle harder. Indeed life has been hard and frustrating lately but I’m glad that we have managed it together. I used to believe that I need to win every battle but sometime its not always about winning, but sometimes about compromizing or even when the worst time came – just to survive till the next day.

when my father passed away several years ago, I thought that was the hardest time that I will ever have. I thought that is the most painful fear and stress that I will ever have but turns out life gave me more than than.

There were time that we almost give up, there were bunch of time where I cried my eyes out and there were time when I saw him stressed out and almost loose hope. But he always said to me ‘don’t give up, we still have a very long journey honey. we can make it together. you and I, us’ So I stood up once again and rally.

He said ‘someday we’re going to remember this day, someday when we’re old and grey we’re going to remember these stormy rain and felt blessed that we could make it. so don’t give up now’. I knew he was right – but I knew that he was affraid and almost loose hope too.

and I glad that we did make it through. I’m happy that we’re learning to dance in the rain. sometimes its not about winning, but how to dance in the rain.

True Love

 

There are many times I’d like to post something in this blog, I know its been such a long time since the last time I write to this blog. I used to have that passion – to write everything and became the travel writer. Luckily my job enables me to travel around the world, but unfortunately I got too swamped and left me with no energies and ideas to write.

Last year I managed to go to Amsterdam and Paris, and several ultra dazzling destinations in Indonesia. I always dream about to go to Netherlands, and to feel the vibrant city of Amsterdam. Well, I got that precious chance last year. My office gave me assignment to audit our office in Amsterdam. Actually, I had to go to Amsterdam with one of the auditor staff – but turned out at last minutes (it was really last minutes, I was about to board the plane to Jakarta) the auditor told me that he’s unable to go to Amsterdam. So there, I flew by myself to Amsterdam.

The journey went amazing! The first time I landed on Amsterdam – I couldn’t believe myself!. Are these beautiful – enchanting – amazing scenery before my eyes just decoys? I shook my head and convinced that I’m really on this beautiful country. Finally I made this far! The longest flight, the toughest efforts, and I did that my myself! I managed to nail every checklist and managed to explore the vibrant city of Amsterdam by myself.

 

And Paris was another magnificent story.  That moment when I saw the Eiffel Tower for the first time I felt in love. I always like city landmarks like Tokyo Tower, and Monumen Nasional in Jakarta but this Eiffel Tower is just magnificent standing beautifully. Although I didn’t get much time to strolling around the Eiffel – I managed to go to Versailles. When my plane took off from Charles de Gaulle Airport, I promised myself that someday I have to come back to this dazzling blinding city but for leisure.

Another important announcement to make is finally I’m getting married! As I have predicted previously, there are no romantic cliche candle light dinner flowers, no no no no. BK only said “Lets get married!” – as simple as that and I couldn’t believed I was so heed over heels. He’s no romantic boyfriend material, but he always there for me for the last 7 years. We’ve been together through thunder storms, hurricane, shimmering rainbow and we managed it together.

We’re planning to get married on August 21, 2014 – its still three months to go, and to hear “Now I pronounce you as Man and Wife”. Bismillah. I hope we’ll make it through. Cheers!

Hello World!

“A simple plot. But I know one day good things are coming our way”

 

My last post was in January 2013, gosh that was a very long time ago! I was busy and lazy this year, and really I haven’t achieved anything significant this year. But oh I did change as I decided to wear hijab this year. Why? I don’t know, really. I got a lot of questions from my colleagues why did I suddenly wear hijab, to be honest I simply don’t know. The first time I decided to wear it, and it was seems right and comfortable so I continue to wear it up to these days.

Other than that, my live is just the same boring routine, the same conflict LDR, the same workplace with the same daily routine and so on. Compared to last year, this year is just all boring. Honestly I’m waiting for miracle to happen this year, whether its the opportunity to continue my study or move on to better workplace. I did try to make it happen, but haven’t get any result.

And oh, I hope next month will be amazing, because it will be the first time for me to come to a magical place–where all the dreams come true. But I won’t tell ya, until its final because I don’t want to jinx it. Cheerio!

 

I’m Sorry, Who are You?

“I wish I had never met you. Then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.” -Good Will Hunting (1997)

Up with the Birds

Might have to go, where they don’t know my name

float all over the world just to see her again,

but I won’t show or feel any pain even though all my armor might rust in the rain

 

A simple plot,

But I know one day good things are coming our way

 

You might notice that I put several posts about Coldplay’s song. Yes, you’re right. I’m the big fans of Coldplay, adore their music and worship their lyrics. This song, Up with the Birds is one of my favorite. It tells us that in bad days where the world is against as all, just believe that the misery will ends because good things are coming their way.

Speaking of bad day, well, my life is just too colorful lately with intrigue, politics, tears here and there, anger, ego and a bit of joy. My life is like rolling coaster now and I’m very exhausted but unfortunately there is no time to rest or just take a breath. But I appreciate any occasion in my life, whether its sweet or bitter, because I know good days are coming soon. 🙂

 

Don’t Let It Break Your Heart!

 

The truth is I’m scared of the unknown future, the possibilities of failures and the fact that I will always be on my own. But I know I can make it because God will always be with me. Always. 

 

Susahnya Pacaran :(

 

Ah, ternyata pacaran enggak sesimpel yang dulu lagi. Seingat saya, dulu pacaran itu simple, menyenangkan dan dipenuhi bunga-bunga. Saat ini pacaran memang masih menyenangkan, tetapi dengan tingkat kerumitan yang luar biasa. Saat ini kami memang diberkahi dengan banyak hal yang dulu tidak mampu kami dapatkan, tetapi hal itu ternyata mendatangkan konsekuensi yang besar pula.

Sekarang ini saya tidak bisa bebas bergulung di sudut pelukan pacar yang nyaman setiap waktu, pun untuk hal yang simpel seperti mengobrol lama juga terkadang menjadi hal yang susah untuk dilakukan. Padatnya ritme kerja membuat jarak yang ada semakin lebar. Ada kalanya saya lelah menunggu dan menangis di ujung sambungan telepon. Pun sering juga partner tidak bisa menemukan saya yang tengah hilang di antara rimbunan pekerjaan.

Minggu ini saya harus ada di Jakarta selama sehari sebelum terbang ke China untuk urusan pekerjaan, tetapi sayangnya pacar saya tengah sibuk luar biasa menjelang reviewnya. Sementara saya pun harus mempersiapkan keberangkatan dan menyelesaikan tugas. Sedih? Banget!!! Bakalan di Jakarta tapi sama sekali tidak bisa bertemu. Rasanya nyesek banget. Tapi harus bagaimana lagi? Ini adalah konsekuensi terkutuk yang harus kami jalani.

Sudah setengah tahun ini kami berjuang dengan, hingga kini pun kami masih berjuang. Menepis lelah dan rindu yang begitu mendera untuk terus maju karena perjuangan tidak dicapai dengan tangan kosong. Tapi pasti ada masanya ketika kami merasa sentimental—ketika rindu dan lelah menjelma maka jarak pun akan terasa lebih lebar.

Dream about You

Last night, in the middle of my absurd dream I saw somebody. Someone important and I miss his presence every single day. When he came, he smiled to me. God, I miss those smiles. I would treat anything that I have now, to see those smiles again.

He said “Happy Birthday” and smiled to me. I remember I said “thank you and sorry for all the stupid mistakes that I’ve done and problems that I’ve made”. He kept smiling and said “it’s okay”. And my dream moved to another sequence absurd dreams.

It’s been three years after he passed away, but I’m still miss him every day. No matter how far I go, I couldn’t find him anywhere. I’ve moved on but I still miss him.

And this morning, I felt so relieved because in that dream he forgives me. I’m sorry Dad, for being so childish, rude, arrogant, and stubborn. But I will always love you, forever.

24

Today I’m 24! Can’t believe it, but I’ve traveled so fast and now I’m 24. It’s seems yesterday that I’m worried about getting to 20 and now I’m 24 already!

I’m so happy today, because it’s a new day for me to start all over again. I celebrate it with my colleagues from STUPPA, and it was just splendid. I received more wishes from my friends through facebook, text and even phone call. I’m so happy because they remember my birthday. I didn’t celebrate it with my boyfriend like we use to because he’s landed already in Jakarta to work. But today is wonderful. I can see the big smile on my face.

I hope the best for this year, the brighter career, future, and love live. I guess I’m ready for to jump to the unknown future—whether it’s a solid ground below or a hand to hold or hell to pay. Wish me luck! 🙂

 

Can I See You in My Future?

 

I always know for quite sometimes that I might have LDR-type relationship with my boyfriend. Well, actually from the beginning of our relationship—I have strong feeling that we might have LDR someday. Considering his dynamic-and-aggressive mind of carrier and my ‘go with the flow’ type—the assumption came in my mind that we might have to undergo different path of carrier in different place. And crap it happened! And it happened so damn fast! Now I just have couple days together with my boyfriend in Jogjakarta before he has to move to Jakarta.

It all started when he’s accepted for the fast track carrier path offered by one of the respected company in Jakarta. He’s happy with that and so do I! I’m so happy because finally my boyfriend got what he deserves. Unlike the previous company that doesn’t pay attention to his extra effort.

But a little sad feeling jumped to my heart, realizing that now we are going through LDR, the Long Distance Relationship between Jogjakarta and Jakarta. Okay, there is always the plus and minus side for everything. We might have much more income and related impacts but less time to spent together. It might sound childish, but you know, money can’t replace that warm comfy place to snuggle right?

However, I need to see this from positive mind. If we’re able to make this, I think me and my boyfriend ready for the next step for our relationship. I did stated in our five year relationships anniversary that I wish to see us holding hands for the next couple years. I hope I can see him—holding my hands for another couple years. Amen.